Long weekends in Nairobi are a mix of excitement, adventure, and indulgence, but the aftermath is an entirely different story.
Once the fun dies down and reality sets in, Nairobians transform into different characters as they try to navigate the first working day.
The matters are worse if the weekend is accompanied by a public holiday which falls on a Monday. Here are the most common types of Nairobians you’ll meet after a long weekend:
1. The broke and regretful
These are those who spent their entire budget (and then some) on outings, road trips, drinks, and unnecessary expenses.
They will be found scrolling through their mobile money apps and, regretting that last round of shots, and making silent vows to be more financially disciplined They mostly get into debt to survive if things are very bad.
"Si you lend me something small, niko down this week."
They will also pull out of any plans that require money. They might even start reconsidering their lifestyle choices and declaring, "Next time, I’ll be more responsible."
However, when the next long weekend comes around, all their financial resolutions are forgotten, and the cycle begins again.
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2. The hangover survivors
For this group, Monday (or Tuesday, if it’s a public holiday extension) is pure struggle. They will be found clutching bottles of water, chewing gum to mask the smell of alcohol, and wearing sunglasses indoors to shield their weary eyes.
They nod off in meetings, frequently rub their temples, and survive on painkillers and greasy food. The worst part for them is trying to focus on work when their heads are pounding.
They avoid bright lights, loud noises, and any serious tasks that require deep concentration. Their colleagues often have to come to their rescue in such moments as things could south anytime.
3. The detox warriors
These Nairobians believe in balancing out their weekend sins with a sudden interest in health and fitness. They start their day with warm lemon water or some beef tumbukiza, they also order salads instead of fries, and take their first gym session in months.
They loudly declare their new lifestyle on social media, only for the motivation to fizzle out by Wednesday.
Their goal is to undo the weekend damage in record time, but deep down, they know they will be back to their indulgent habits soon. Some even sign up for gym memberships with great enthusiasm, only to visit once or twice before giving up.
4. The social media show-offs
Everyone has such friends, this group spends the first hours of the workday posting #Throwback photos and videos of their epic weekend.
Their social media pages are filled with selfies, poolside snaps, and travel reels, making everyone wonder how they afford such a lavish lifestyle. Meanwhile, their bank accounts tell a different story.
They take pride in keeping the party spirit alive through their Instagram and TikTok updates. They engage with every comment and reply with captions like "We did the most!" or "Weekend was a movie!"
Their co-workers either admire them or roll their eyes at their constant need for validation. However, the truth is, some of them are deep in mobile loans, struggling to survive until the next payday.
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5. The silent sufferers
Unlike the hangover survivors, these ones will pretend everything is fine, but their puffy eyes and slow movements betray them.
They will sit at their desks, barely speaking, drinking multiple cups of coffee, and staring at their screens, hoping the day moves faster. Their responses are limited to "Niko tu."
These are the people who may have gone too hard but don’t want to draw attention to their suffering. They don’t complain, they don’t ask for sympathy, and they don’t seek help.
They just want to survive the day without embarrassing themselves. Their strategy is to keep a low profile, avoid any unnecessary interactions, and pray for time to move faster.
6. The detectives
These ones wake up with gaps in their memory and spend the first part of the day investigating what happened.
They check their call logs, rewatch their Instagram stories, and ask friends, "By the way, what time did we leave?" Their biggest fear is discovering they sent an embarrassing text or lost something valuable.
They will also try to piece together events based on other people’s recollections. If they were overly active on social media, they might have to delete questionable posts.
Their worst nightmare is waking up to messages that start with "Bro, you were wild last night…" or "We need to talk about what happened."
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7. The relationship survivors
A long weekend can either strengthen or destroy relationships. Some people return with exciting stories about romantic getaways, while others have just gone through a breakup after being caught "offline but online."
The brave ones will be found explaining their whereabouts, while the guilty ones avoid their partners’ texts altogether.
Some will be sending long apology texts, while others will be getting ignored. The luckiest ones manage to navigate their way out of trouble with sweet words and strategic excuses.
Either way, emotions run high, and some relationships don’t survive past Tuesday.