How to tell your ugali, sukuma wiki 'allergy' is fake

Let’s be real. If you’re Kenyan, the idea of being allergic to ugali or sukuma wiki sounds like a bad joke. I mean, ugali na sukuma is basically the national survival kit!

But let’s just say, for argument’s sake, that somewhere out there, there’s a person who breaks into hives at the mere sight of a hot plate of maize flour and leafy greens. Could that person be you? 🤔

Maybe you’ve always felt a little 'off' after eating ugali. Maybe sukuma wiki has always been your sworn enemy but you never had a proper excuse to leave it on the plate.

1. The Mysterious case of the bloated stomach

So, you finish your plate of ugali and sukuma, and suddenly, your stomach starts misbehaving. You’re bloated, you feel like a balloon ready to float away, and you’re questioning all your life choices.

Is this a medical emergency? Or did you just overeat because, let’s be honest, ugali doesn’t measure itself?

One minute you’re scooping flour, the next you’re sitting in front of a small mountain of ugali wondering how you got there.

Diagnosis: Not an allergy. Just overeating. Drink some water and walk it off, champ.

2. The 'I feel weak after eating Ugali' excuse

This one is for the baddies. You know them—the ones who only eat aesthetically pleasing meals and claim ugali makes them feel heavy and sluggish. “I think my body rejects heavy starch,” they say, sipping their avocado smoothies. Is that an allergy, babes, or just soft life?

If you suddenly feel like taking a nap after a solid ugali meal, congratulations, you are 100% Kenyan and fully functioning.

Ugali wasn’t made for running marathons; it was made for survival. That’s why builders, farmers, and hustlers swear by it!

Diagnosis: Still not an allergy. Just your body recognising that ugali is the definition of food coma.

3. The economic allergy (When your wallet dictates your diet)

Now, here’s the real talk. If every time you see ugali or sukuma wiki, you feel pain deep in your soul, it might not be a physical allergy—it might just be an allergy to being broke!

Let’s be honest, when the economy is tight, ugali and sukuma suddenly become your best friends. It doesn’t matter how much you dream of steak, sushi, or prawns—your pocket dictates your plate.

But let’s flip the script. If you find yourself suddenly "allergic" to ugali and sukuma wiki the moment your bank account looks healthy, my friend, that’s not an allergy—that’s selective taste buds sponsored by your paycheck.

Diagnosis: No allergy detected. Just wallet sensitivity syndrome.

4. The official “I just don’t like it” declaration

At the end of the day, maybe you just don’t like ugali or sukuma wiki. Maybe you grew up eating it every day and now you refuse to look at it.

Maybe you don’t like how it tastes, or how it feels, or maybe you just think life has more to offer than maize flour and greens.

And you know what? That’s okay! You don’t need a fake allergy excuse. Just be honest. Say, “I don’t vibe with it, period.” Will your ancestors be disappointed? Maybe. But at least you’re living your truth!

Final diagnosis: Not an allergy. Just personal preference. Live your life.

Final Verdict: Are you allergic or just dramatic?

If you’ve read this far, chances are you’ve realised that a true ugali or sukuma wiki allergy is highly unlikely.

But hey, if you ever need an excuse to avoid eating sukuma, now you have a few dramatic explanations ready to go.

Just don’t blame us when your grandma gives you that “so you think you’re special” look when you refuse to eat it at a family gathering!

Now, go forth and eat—or don’t eat—your ugali and sukuma in peace. Your choice, your plate, your rules. Just don’t blame allergies when deep down, it’s all about taste and vibes!