"The first two weeks I would just cry," Jessica says. While they're doing their best to remain amiable, "the break-up still sucks." Being quarantined together, there's no out-of-sight, out-of mind; they're constantly in each other's spaces.
Theres never an ideal time to break up with your partner. However, dumping someone while you two are stuck in quarantine together has to be one of the worst times to split up.
Before you make a decision you might regret, ask yourself if you're unhappy with your relationship or unhappy with something else in life. You could be anxious and depressed because you feel trapped indoors, got laid off, cant go to the gym, or any number of other coronavirus-related reasons. If that's the case, you really should be breaking up with COVID-19not your partner. So, really make sure you want out of the relationship and not out of the pandemic.
But if you have to break things off, you have to break things off. Maybe you're in a toxic relationship , or maybe this time in quarantine has helped you realize that you two are actually incompatible. If that's the case, whats the best way to break up with your partner while in quarantine?
It depends on whether youre quarantined separately or together, experts say. If you're separated, you can break up with them over the phone, the way you normally would if you could be face-to-face. I encourage my clients to try to thoughtfully leave each other emotionally intact by talking through the reasons for ending the relationship without blame or criticism," says Jennie Marie Battistin, LMFT and founding director of Hope Therapy Center .
Just because this wasn't your happily ever after person, remember they will be someone else's. Giving them food for thought, and understanding of your position can help them emotionally heal. (FYI, science says people tend to prefer the direct approach when they're on the receiving end of a breakup. Don't go on a confusing, rambling tangent in an attempt to soften the blow; say "we need to talk," and then get on with it.)
It's much more complicated to break up with your partner if you're quarantined together. Gigi Engle, brand advisor and author of , recognizes that its a really uncomfortable situationbut also encourages you to not feel guilty. Sometimes you just need out, and thats okay, she says.
When breaking up with your partner face-to-face, Acknowledge the fact that its uncomfortable and not ideal, Engle says. Be honest. Say, Im unhappy and you make me unhappy. Us staying together through this quarantine wont change that.
Engle recommends trying to find another place to stay after breaking up. Secure the new spot before you jump into the breakup conversation, and be sure to check the social distancing guidelines in your area to determine the safest possible protocol in regards to you changing locations.
If you dont have another space you can go to, Battistin suggests creating a schedule for shared spaces. Perhaps one of you takes the living room during the day, and the other does at night. And if you have enough space in your home, consider moving to the living room and sleeping on the couch.
That's currently what George, 53, is doing with his wife. While in quarantine together, George realized that he and his wife were just two strangers living in the same home. They had completely grown apart. After 10 years of marriage, George told his wife that once the pandemic has settled, they're getting a divorce and putting their house on the market. He's now living and sleeping in the living room, and his wife has the bedroom.
Still, he says that they're communicating "courteously, sometimes just in long silences, and we're doing whatever is required to maintain our mutual responsibilities." Moving to the living room, though, has definitely helped with the breakup.
Moving within the house could ease some tension, especially if your now-former significant other wasn't expecting a break-up, Battistin says. Ideally, carve out a spot for you to move your items and to spend the majority of your day separately. You may also opt to create a time each day, should a question come up, that you can have a conversation and limit the time to no more than 30-60 minutes.
Finally, if a break-up is in the cards, make sure you (and your partner) have a support system, whether thats friends, family, and/or a therapist you can speak to by phone, says Battistin. Even though you two may feel stuck and alone, remember that you have loved ones you can speak to.
Jessica's keeping conversations to a minimum with her boyfriend. "We've talked about the relationship a few times but we mostly talk about other topics like, our families, current events, and work." The rest of the day, she's talking to her sister and friends for support.
"Often I say to my clients, 'Holding on to the wrong relationship is not only keeping you from finding the potential love of your life, but it is also keeping them as well,'" says Battistin. Of course, you'll still have to wait to get out there and find your true lovebut in the mean time, there's always FaceTime dating .