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Winning over a tough mother-in-law can be a daunting task, but with patience, understanding, and the right approach, you can build a solid relationship with her.
Some mothers-in-law can be naturally sceptical or protective, but showing genuine effort can change her perception. Here are seven tricks to help you win her over.
1. Show genuine respect and appreciation
One of the most effective ways to win your mother-in-law’s favour is by treating her with genuine respect and appreciation.
Many tough mothers-in-law worry that their child’s spouse might not value the family bond as much as they do. Make an effort to acknowledge her wisdom and experience, whether it’s through small gestures like listening to her stories or asking for her advice on family matters.
If she loves cooking, ask her for her signature recipe and try making it yourself. This not only shows respect but also creates a sense of bonding. When she sees that you appreciate her role in your partner’s life, she will likely warm up to you over time.
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2. Find common interests and bond over them
Building a relationship with your mother-in-law doesn’t have to be forced—it can be as simple as finding something you both enjoy.
Whether it’s gardening, watching a specific TV show, or even a shared love for shopping, discovering common interests can create a natural connection.
For example, if she enjoys knitting and you have never tried it, showing interest in learning from her could spark meaningful conversations.
If she’s a football fan, take the time to watch a game with her or discuss recent matches. This shared interest can gradually help to break down any barriers she may have initially put up.
3. Be patient and avoid taking things personally
Some mothers-in-law may take time to warm up, and their behaviour might seem cold or critical at first. Instead of responding defensively, practice patience.
Understand that her reactions might stem from a place of concern or protectiveness over her child. If she makes a sharp comment, instead of reacting emotionally, respond with kindness and grace.
For example, if she criticises how you cook a particular dish, instead of feeling hurt, you could say, "That’s a great tip! I’ll try it your way next time." Over time, she will realise that you are not trying to push her away but rather become a valued part of the family.
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4. Involve her in special occasions and decisions
Making your mother-in-law feel included in family matters can significantly improve your relationship with her. Invite her to family events, consult her on special occasions, and show that her presence matters.
For instance, if you and your partner are hosting a family dinner, ask for her input on the menu. If she enjoys being involved in family traditions, let her take the lead on some of them.
Inclusion reassures her that you acknowledge her role in your partner’s life and that you value her presence. This will make her feel respected and less threatened by your presence in her child’s life.
5. Compliment her in a sincere manner
Everyone appreciates a kind word, and your mother-in-law is no exception. Complimenting her in a genuine way can make her feel valued and respected.
However, insincere flattery can be easily detected and might have the opposite effect. Find things you genuinely admire about her, whether it’s her sense of style, how well she raised her child, or her cooking skills.
Saying something like, "I love how you decorated your home; it’s so warm and inviting," or "You raised such a wonderful person; I’m lucky to be a part of this family," can go a long way in softening her attitude towards you.
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6. Never come between her and your partner
A common mistake that can strain relationships is appearing to create a wedge between your partner and their mother. Avoid situations that make her feel like she’s losing her child to you.
Encourage your partner to spend time with her and maintain a strong relationship. If she wants to have a day out with her child, be supportive instead of feeling left out.
For instance, if your partner has a tradition of visiting her every Sunday, respect it instead of trying to replace it. The more she sees that you are not a threat to her bond with her child, the more likely she is to accept and appreciate you.
7. Be kind even when she’s difficult
Some mothers-in-law can be tough to deal with no matter what you do. In such cases, the best approach is to remain kind and consistent.
Even if she is cold, maintain a warm attitude. If she makes harsh comments, respond with a polite and friendly tone. Over time, she may come to appreciate your unwavering kindness.
For example, if she is dismissive towards you, continue treating her with respect by greeting her warmly and engaging in small talk. Even the toughest people can soften when met with constant kindness and understanding.