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The talking stage is an exciting, important yet delicate phase in any budding relationship. It’s the period during which two people get to know each other, build a connection, and decide if they want to move forward.
However, certain questions can create unnecessary tension, make the other person uncomfortable, or even kill the connection before it even decides whether it will go somewhere.
If you’re navigating this phase, here are key questions you should avoid asking too soon and why they can be problematic.
1. How much money do you make?
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Money and finances are very sensitive topics, and asking this question early on can make you come off materialistic.
While financial stability is an important factor in long-term relationships, discussing salaries and finances in the talking stage can feel transactional rather than romantic.
For example, if someone is a freelancer or business owner, their income might fluctuate, making the question uncomfortable to answer.
Instead of directly asking about their earnings, you can gauge their financial mindset by discussing general topics like budgeting, saving, or investment habits.
A better question could be, "What are your financial goals for the future?" This invites discussion without making it seem like you are sizing them up based on their income.
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2. Why are you still single?
At first, this might seem like a compliment, as if you’re saying they are so amazing that it’s surprising they aren’t taken.
However, it can also come across as judgmental, making the other person feel like they need to justify their relationship history.
For instance, if someone has been single for a long time due to personal growth or career focus, they might feel like they have to defend their choices.
A better way to approach this is to ask, "What do you value most in a relationship?" This way, they can share their views on love and dating without feeling interrogated.
3. How many people have you dated?
Bringing up past relationships too early can make the conversation feel more like an interview than a natural flow of getting to know each other.
As a matter of fact, if possible, don’t touch on past relationships and history of their love life.
Some people might be uncomfortable sharing their dating history, while others might worry that their answer will be judged—whether it’s too many or too few.
For example, if someone has had multiple relationships, they might fear being labelled as unlucky. On the other hand, if they have had very few, they might feel pressure to explain why.
Instead of focusing on numbers, ask about lessons learned from past relationships if they bring up the topic themselves. Also don’t give a lot of focus on why the last relationship ended and shortcomings of their previous partner.
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4. Where do you see this going?
It’s natural to want clarity about a relationship, but bringing up this question too soon can pressure the other person into defining something that is still evolving.
Imagine going on a few dates with someone, and they ask, "So, what are we?" If the connection is still in its early stages, this might feel like a demand for an immediate answer, which can be overwhelming.
A more natural approach is to enjoy the present moment and let the connection develop before discussing exclusivity or future plans.
Instead, you can say something like, "I’m really enjoying getting to know you. How do you feel about our dynamic so far?"
5. Would you be open to changing [something about them]?
Whether it’s their religion, career, hobbies, lifestyle, or appearance, asking someone if they’d change something significant about themselves is a big mistake. It suggests that you don’t accept them as they are, which can be hurtful.
For example, if someone is passionate about their career in the arts, asking if they’d ever quit for something different can make them feel undervalued.
Instead of focusing on changes, try to understand why they make certain choices. If differences arise, you can assess whether you’re truly compatible without trying to alter them.
6. Are you talking to other people?
Unless both of you have agreed to be exclusive, it’s best to assume that they might be getting to know other people. Asking this question too early can make you seem possessive or insecure, which can push the other person away.
During the talking stage chances are high both of you are still having conversations with other people.
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For example, if someone is still figuring out their feelings and you ask this question, they might feel cornered into making a decision before they’re ready.
A healthier approach is to focus on building a strong connection, so they naturally prioritise you without feeling forced. If the topic of exclusivity is important to you, it’s better to express your own expectations rather than demand theirs.