When I entered college, my tricky relationship with my body and food continued but in different ways. I moved into the dorms and started eating (and drinking) more. My weight skyrocketed. I definitely gained the freshman 15, and then some.

I remember walking with my friends to class one evening in college. They started walking really fast up a hill and I couldnt keep up. I pretended to take a phone call as an excuse to slow my pace; I didnt want to admit I was tired from just walking up a hill. I also knew that when we sat down in class, I would be sweating like crazy, and again, I didnt want them to see how hard this seemingly simple activity was for me. When I graduated college, I was 280 pounds.

I tried several times to lose weight after school ended. I bought weight-loss shakes, restricted my food intake, and I tried working out, but eventually gave up every time. At my highest weight, I was a little over 300 pounds.

View this post on Instagram Same me, new lifestyle #mondaymotivation A post shared by Meghan (@_iwokeupinbeastmode) on Mar 5, 2018 at 10:03am PST

My turning point was at the end of 2016, when I had New Years resolutions on my mind.

I think that my friends and loved ones knew that I was overweight and unhappy, but I didnt speak about how uncomfortable I was, my insecurities, or the fact that I wanted to change my body. I kept it all to myself. But I was so sick of life being harder than necessary for me. I knew that I wanted to use the new year to help motivate me and create lasting change, but I still needed another push.

View this post on Instagram For those of you who message and comment on my waist and how you wish you could look like me...I dont have the waist that LuluLemon leggings give me. I have imperfections and loose skin and this is so incredibly difficult to post, but I hope it helps someone accept their imperfections and work towards loving their body for everything its capable of rather than hating it for everything it isnt. A post shared by Meghan (@_iwokeupinbeastmode) on Feb 18, 2019 at 11:41am PST

Around that same time, my boyfriend was having health issues. His doctor told him that he was pre-diabetic and that he needed to lose weight before she saw him next, otherwise he would have to be put on insulin . This allowed me to begin dieting and exercising under the facade that I was doing it to help him. We were doing it together for *his* health. I felt like framing it that way took some of the pressure off of me and contributed to my success.

Cutting most fast food from my diet was a huge help.

I used to eat fast food for nearly every meal. I would order a combo, a side, a dessert, and a soda. This time around, I began eating at home as often as possible. And if we did have to eat out, Id order something off of the lighter fare menu. Looking back, the food choices that I was making still werent the best, but really anything was better than what I had been eating before.

View this post on Instagram First pair of Lulus and Im shook. A post shared by Meghan (@_iwokeupinbeastmode) on Feb 17, 2018 at 5:49pm PST

I got better and better at prepping food at home over time. I started making sandwiches at home and finding lower-calorie options for the foods that I loved. For instance, instead of ordering my usual Starbucks frappuccinos all the time, I swapped them for iced coffee with sugar-free sweeteners, and without milk or cream. My favorite snack was (and still is) Hot Cheetos. But I began eating popcorn with cayenne pepper as a substitution. As time went on, I got into counting calories and macros.

I was still too nervous to go to the gym when I started my journey, so I bought a cheap elliptical online.

Any form of exercise was an improvement, so the elliptical was a great start. My boyfriend and I split the cost, used his truck to pick it up, and I cleaned out my garage to make space for a little at-home gym. I began doing an hour of cardio every night in the garage: 30 minutes on the elliptical and 30 minutes on our stationary bike.

In March of 2017, I finally joined a gym and I continued to do just cardio. It wasnt for quite some time that I ventured away from the cardio equipment. But now, I *love* strength training and circuit workouts. I use the strength training app FitBod for workout ideas. It also helps track my workouts, as does my Apple Watch (I love it!).

View this post on Instagram I used to be embarrassed to sweat. I would avoid anything that I thought was going to be difficult because I knew I would sweat and that would show people I was struggling, show people that I was out of shape, and overweight. Now, I do things that make me sweat for fun. I dont have to get to school early so I have time to stop sweating before class begins. I dont have to wear tank tops underneath my shirts so my back sweat doesnt show. I am living a life where basic human activities like walking arent difficult. If youve never been overweight, you likely wont understand how exciting something as simple as being able to talk and walk up the stairs at the same time is. If youre still struggling to do these things, pay attention to how theyre getting easier, pay attention to the progress youre making, because before you know it...youre not even going to think twice about having to take the stairs A post shared by Meghan (@_iwokeupinbeastmode) on Mar 27, 2018 at 8:59am PDT

In 2018, I reached my goal weight. To be honest, though, I didnt totally love how I got there.

I felt like I was doing too much cardio and not eating enough. At one point, I remember standing in my kitchen, on the verge of tears because I was hungry, but if I ate dinner, I would go over my daily calorie count. I told my boyfriend that seeing how upset and anxious I was about calories and food scared me because I didnt want to go back to my unhealthy ways of skipping meals. It was that night that I decided to *stop* counting calories. It was not making a positive impact on my mentality towards weight loss.

View this post on Instagram Lets talk LOOSE SKIN Yes, I have it. Was I scared of it as I lost weight? DEFINITELY. Did I do anything specific to minimize it? Nope. Ive lost 130 pounds...loose skin was pretty inevitable for me. Would I go back to being 300 lbs bcs of the loose skin I do have? No freaking way Im going to be honest though...if Im ever in a place financially where I can afford to have surgery...Ill probably do it. Not because I think itll make me a better person or because my loose skin makes me less worthy, but because Ive worked damn hard to get in shape and become the healthiest version of myself and I would like to be able to see that person rather than the excess skin from my old lifestyle. With that being said though, I think so many people say they dont want to lose weight because they dont want loose skin. Loose skin is purely aesthetic whereas being obese is detrimental your quality of life. & if Im being really REAL, using loose skin as a reason to not lose weight is simply another EXCUSE as to why you cant do it. A post shared by Meghan (@_iwokeupinbeastmode) on Mar 19, 2018 at 12:19pm PDT

Weight-loss culture is seriously so demented. So many people, including myself, have gotten caught up in believing you have to eat tiny calorie amounts and work out nonstop to lose weight. I was doing cardio for over an hour every day.

Interestingly, my Instagram account ( @_iwokeupinbeastmode ) helped me realize that what I was doing wasnt healthy. I was doing a Q&A on IG stories, and a follower asked me about my cardio regimen, so I replied honestly about how much cardio I was doing. One of my Instagram friends responded saying, You do that much cardio every day!? It really made me stop and rethink my long-term approach.

I changed up my routine and gained 20 pounds back that same year-and that was one of the most positive changes of all.

I think my weight gain was a combined result of not obsessing about cardio, lifting more weights, eating more, and being less hard on myself in general. I am currently maintaining a 110-pound weight loss. Today, this is what healthy eating looks like for me (no calorie counting included!):

• Breakfast: Southwestern Egg Beaters with one whole egg, two strips of reduced sodium turkey bacon, toast with Walden Farms calorie-free jelly , and coffee

• Lunch: Cauliflower rice with 4-oz. of lean ground turkey, steamed broccoli, and Alfredo sauce

• Snacks: Pure Protein bars, carrots, tuna packs, or hard-boiled eggs

• Dinner: Spaghetti squash with marinara sauce and Gardein meatless meatballs

• Dessert: Rice cakes with protein frosting (made by mixing protein powder with a very small amount of almond milk until it is a frosting-like consistency) or a donut (because, balance!)

More recently, I have been ordering some of my meals from a local service called Prep Success Meals. Its made it easy to continue eating healthy even when Im swamped at work. Some of my favorites from the service include chicken, golden potatoes, and green beans, or salmon, brown rice, and asparagus.

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View this post on Instagram Hi guys in honor of #transformationtuesday I decided to do a little recap of how I started my journey! First off, my name is Meghan. Im 26 years old and 57 Since January of 2017 I have lost 120 pounds naturally through diet and exercise! I USED to count calories but I had to stop. When I was in high school I used to starve myself and counting calories put me back in the state of mind of limiting my food intake (too drastically in my case) Instead, I choose healthy foods and focus on portion control and I havent had any problem losing weight while not counting calories. For the first 3 months of my journey I worked out at home on either an elliptical or stationary bike that I have in my garage I joined LA Fitness in March For the first 7/8 months I only did cardio. I would do an hour of cardio on the elliptical or StairMaster Now, I do a 10 min cardio warmup, workout a specific muscle group, and then do 30 mins of cardio after I usually take 1 rest day a week, but there are weeks when I do more/less...depending on how my body feels! If youre interested in what I eat, check out my story! I post a lot of my meals on it. A post shared by Meghan (@_iwokeupinbeastmode) on Dec 12, 2017 at 5:03pm PST

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Its been a real process to find a balance, and I am still working on it.

Most days, Im still not sure what a healthy weight necessarily looks like for me, but I know that having a healthy mindset is just as important. I still go through periods of having issues with body image and how I feel about myself. But I always remind myself that I have absolutely developed healthier mental and physical habits, and how to better fuel my body.

I never realized how much of my life I was giving up because of my weight. I was scared to try anything. I skipped going to theme parks, or doing really any activity that might cause other people to notice how out of shape I was. I never went shopping with girlfriends because I didnt want them to know what size I was or to see that I couldnt fit into the regular sizes. Losing weight has changed my life and helped me shed those fears. It's wild to think about how simply believing in myself enough to take control of my health has transpired into so many other aspects of my life. I am not as scared to try new things. I am more willing to try and fail than to have never tried at all. Gaining confidence (at work, at home, in the gym, in life) has been nothing short of life-changing.