Aya Kanai

I struggled with fertility from 2014 to 2017. When Id had enough of the frustration, I turned my back on the investment, emotional effort, and time spent lingering in waiting rooms torun a marathon. I know it seems weird, but I wanted to will my body to do something extraordinary at a time when I felt so out of control.

Marathon training was an unexpected relief; I could focus on a singular goal rather than the cruel, frazzled uncertainty of mid-to-late-30s fertility. And my break from the doctors offices wasnt a setbackI did ultimately have the baby I was striving for (Rei says, Hi, everyone!). So for me, running and becoming a mom are forever linked.

Wellness is trendy in the same way that fashion is, but this column is going to be all about realistic, sustainable goals.

But from this side of parenthood, I havent yet figured out what fit-healthy-mom life looks like. Its been more than a year and a half and I still dont feel right, inside or out.

Its hard to believe that six miles used to feel like a warm-upI cant even run two now. Recently, an IG follower commented on my feed, Youve gained weight. Um, thanks. I had a baby and I did not bounce back.

And frankly, eff that! Im not trying to be my pre-mom self. But Id like to find a way to feel good about the new body I live in, especially now that I have a very observant little girl watching me. I want to figure out how to better take care of myself and a child.

Wellness is trendy in the same way that fashion is, but this column is going to be all about realistic, sustainable goals. Ill be working with doctors at Parsley Health and exercise experts at Equinox. And Im going to share my discoveries with you. My hope is that over the next year, I can learn how to cook like an adult for my family, fuel myself for fitness, master the art of quick, consistent workouts, kick my sugar addiction, and much more.

Its time to define what wellness looks like for me as a parent. Lets do this!

This article originally appeared in the October 2019 issue of Women's Health.

'I'm Not Trying To Get My Pre-Baby Body Back'

Im a fashion director, so bodies and the clothes we put on them are quite literally my business. That said, it wasnt a fashion trend that changed my attitude toward my own bodyit was trying to have a baby.

'Sorry, But I'm Not Trying To Get My Pre-Baby Body Back'

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Aya Kanai

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'Sorry, But I'm Not Trying To Get My Pre-Baby Body Back'