Peter Ongera

Pulse Contributor

As we mark Men’s Day, a time to reflect on the roles, challenges, and contributions of men in society, it’s impossible to overlook the silent struggles men face in one of life’s most significant institutions—marriage.

While traditionally seen as protectors and providers, men are now grappling with evolving marital expectations, financial pressures, and societal shifts that challenge long-held norms.&nbsp;

Marriage has long been regarded as sacred and enduring, as expressed in the Bible:&nbsp;

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. What God has united, human beings must not divide."

Despite these ideals, societal attitudes toward marriage are shifting. In many traditional societies, remaining single is still considered taboo.

Yet, according to marriage counsellor John Sergon, modern couples increasingly delay or avoid marriage due to fears of marital instability.

This reality highlights the growing complexities surrounding the institution of marriage, particularly for men.&nbsp;

<h3>Men and the changing dynamics of marriage</h3>

For generations, men have been socialised to shoulder the financial burdens of marriage, often at the expense of their emotional well-being.

Traditionally, a man’s value in a relationship was tied to his ability to provide.

However, with evolving societal expectations and Kenya’s Matrimonial Property Act, 2013, marriage is now seen as a partnership where contributions extend beyond finances to emotional support and domestic involvement.&nbsp;

The Act recognises non-monetary contributions such as childcare and homemaking, a commendable step toward equality.

Yet, this shift has left many men feeling undervalued, particularly in marital disputes where their financial contributions may no longer hold the same weight.

For some, this creates a sense of uncertainty about their roles in marriage, as they navigate uncharted waters of shared responsibility and mutual accountability.&nbsp;

Men are now expected to participate more actively in emotional and domestic labour, alongside their traditional financial roles.

This shift, while progressive, has also increased the pressures on men. They must balance societal expectations of being breadwinners with the need to engage emotionally and domestically, often without the tools or cultural support to navigate these new demands.&nbsp;

The result is a growing sense of vulnerability. Societal stigmas discourage men from expressing emotional struggles, creating a toxic environment where they feel pressured to appear strong, even as they silently grapple with the demands of modern marriage.&nbsp;

Marriage counsellor Dr. Philip Kitoto offers valuable advice:

"Marriages die when pollutants like selfish attitudes, blame-shifting, and lack of accountability infest the relationship."

For men, this means embracing open communication, empathy, and mutual respect—qualities traditionally dismissed as feminine but now essential for marital success.&nbsp;

The Bible’s teaching on marriage emphasises unity and partnership:

"So they are no longer two but one flesh."

Yet achieving this unity requires intentional effort. Men must learn to value their partners not just through financial contributions but also through actions, empathy, and shared responsibility.&nbsp;

<h3>Protecting men’s rights in marriage</h3>

Kenya’s matrimonial property laws emphasise fairness but demand transparency. Men must document their contributions—both financial and non-monetary—to protect their interests in the event of disputes.

This is especially crucial as joint ownership becomes the standard, and assumptions about men’s financial dominance fade.&nbsp;

Equally important is the need for men to redefine their roles in marriage. True partnership involves shared responsibilities and mutual respect, values that men must champion in their relationships.&nbsp;

As we celebrate Men’s Day, let us challenge the outdated narrative that men must bear the weight of marriage alone.

Instead, let us embrace a new vision of men as equal partners, capable of emotional depth, domestic contribution, and legal awareness.&nbsp;

Marriage is a shared journey, and its success depends on mutual effort. Men must be empowered to speak openly about their struggles in relationships—whether related to financial pressures, emotional labour, or fears of instability.

By fostering a culture of openness and support, we can equip men to navigate the complexities of modern marriage with confidence and compassion.&nbsp;

This Men’s Day, let us honour the men who strive to build strong, equitable marriages. Let us also acknowledge their challenges and provide them with the tools and support needed to thrive in an evolving marital landscape.

After all, a strong marriage is not a man’s burden to bear alone—it is a shared commitment to unity, growth, and love.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of Pulse as its publisher.

Editor's Note:&nbsp;Recognising the societal pressures men face, Pulse Kenya has partnered with Money Clinic for the second edition of the&nbsp;<a data-link-role-code="open_new_tab" href="https://www.pulselive.co.ke/lifestyle/mens-health/november-mens-month-explained-history-importance-and-celebration-tips/5jtenn6">Average Joe's forum happening on November 23, 2024</a>. The organisers are committed to creating a supportive, media-free environment where attendees can openly share and learn from one another.

Attendees can&nbsp;<a data-link-role-code="open_new_tab" href="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc0uFqIxh6v8vFR12FcL8O3fDE0SFWuvnf7MFNtViMv8bZH7g/viewform?edit2=2_ABaOnudPpzvoUCN4J77x9W90oItB08Zs0vShqGBusCo7ZpAE8NWmzV0vYHkq4oPklxELrH0">register here</a>, it will only cost you&nbsp;Sh500.

While traditionally seen as protectors and providers, they are now grappling with evolving marital expectations

Struggles of modern marriage: A Men’s Day reflection [Pulse Contributor's Opinion]

In Africa, where economies are often marked by volatility, political change, and global economic pressures, the need for sound financial habits and bold action is even more pronounced.

By exploring the principles in Ecclesiastes 11:2, 4, and 6, we can see how African leaders and entrepreneurs are harnessing these values to build secure and prosperous lives.

READ: <a data-link-role-code="open_new_tab" href="https://www.pulselive.co.ke/lifestyle/day-in-the-life-of-kenyas-modern-man-balancing-work-family-and-dreams/t045kxy">Day in the life of Kenya's modern man: Balancing work, family, and dreams</a>

<h3>Diversify your portfolio [Ecclesiastes 11:2]</h3>

Ecclesiastes 11:2 advises, "Invest in seven ventures, yes, in eight; you do not know what disaster may come upon the land." This is a timeless call to diversify.

In Africa, where economies are highly sensitive to global fluctuations in commodities, diversification provides a buffer against unexpected downturns.&nbsp;

For example, <a data-link-role-code="open_new_tab" href="https://www.pulselive.co.ke/business/international/tony-elumelu-foundation-lands-a-dollar20-million-deal-with-usadf/t4dtccr">Nigerian businessman Tony Elumelu</a> has embraced diversification as a core strategy for his success. Elumelu, a prominent entrepreneur, has interests in banking, energy, real estate, and philanthropy.

Through his company, Heirs Holdings, Elumelu has invested in various industries, reducing his exposure to risk in any single sector. Elumelu’s philosophy embodies the principle of spreading investments across different ventures.

As he puts it, “We need to diversify our economies and build on our natural strengths.”

By diversifying, Elumelu has created a financial empire that is less vulnerable to single-sector economic shifts, demonstrating the resilience that comes with varied investments.

READ:&nbsp;<a data-link-role-code="open_new_tab" href="https://www.pulselive.co.ke/healthy-living/average-joes-a-transformative-platform-for-empowering-men/9eq120y">Average Joes: A transformative platform for empowering men</a>

<h3>Don't wait too long to act [Ecclesiastes 11:4]</h3>

Verse 4 of Ecclesiastes says, "Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap." This verse speaks to the danger of waiting too long to act, especially in uncertain conditions.

In Africa, where political and economic uncertainties are part of daily life, waiting for the perfect time often means missed opportunities.

<a data-link-role-code="open_new_tab" href="https://www.pulselive.co.ke/business/international/top-5-business-influencers-in-africa/m192992">South African entrepreneur Vusi Thembekwayo</a> exemplifies the power of decisive action.

Known for his work as a venture capitalist and motivational speaker, Thembekwayo has spoken openly about the importance of not letting fear or economic conditions hold back one’s ambition.

He explains, "The opportunity will never feel perfect; you have to be courageous enough to take it."

Despite South Africa's economic instability, Thembekwayo has consistently taken bold steps, building multiple businesses in education, finance, and technology. His willingness to act, regardless of the clouds of uncertainty, has led to significant success and inspired many across Africa.

<h3>Consistent, ongoing effort [Ecclesiastes 11:6]</h3>

Verse 6 of Ecclesiastes states, "Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let your hands not be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well."

This verse emphasises the importance of consistent, ongoing effort. Success rarely happens overnight; it requires daily dedication and perseverance.

A notable example is <a data-link-role-code="open_new_tab" href="https://www.pulselive.co.ke/business/domestic/how-billionaire-manu-chandaria-is-spending-his-retirement-as-a-93-year-old/gwych28">Kenyan entrepreneur Manu Chandaria.</a> Chandaria, who heads Comcraft, an industrial conglomerate with interests across 40 countries, emphasises that his achievements stem from years of hard work and dedication.

Despite his success, Chandaria remains active in his work, often spending long hours building his business and supporting philanthropic initiatives.

He often says, "Success is built over time, with patience and persistence." Chandaria’s journey underscores the power of consistent effort and illustrates the value of “sowing seeds” in various areas to reap a harvest over time.

<h2>Practical Steps for Financial Empowerment</h2>

<ul><li>Start Small, But Start Now</li></ul>

You don’t need a large amount of capital to begin investing. Start with what you have, even if it’s a small savings account, and let that grow. Nigerian fintech entrepreneur Tayo Oviosu started small with Paga, which has now grown into one of the most widely used payment platforms in Africa. He says, “Just begin. Great things start small, and time will bring growth.”

Following the principle of “seven, yes, eight” can mean exploring different industries or income sources. Tony Elumelu’s success across banking, energy, and real estate shows the power of a balanced approach.

<ul><li>Act Despite Uncertainty</li></ul>

There may never be a “perfect time” to launch a business or make an investment. Embrace calculated risks, understanding that uncertainty is part of the journey. Vusi Thembekwayo’s story demonstrates that waiting too long can mean missed opportunities.

Financial growth is a long game. Keep working towards your goals, even if progress seems slow. Manu Chandaria’s daily efforts remind us that dedication is the bedrock of sustainable success.

In closing, Ecclesiastes 11 provides invaluable insights into building wealth and securing a future, especially for men in Africa’s complex economic landscape.

By taking inspiration from leaders like Tony Elumelu, Vusi Thembekwayo, and Manu Chandaria, we see how a mix of diversification, courage, and consistent effort can lead to financial empowerment.

With patience, perseverance, and a willingness to act despite uncertainty, African men can create resilient financial foundations that support their families and communities through prosperous and challenging times alike.&nbsp;

Recognising the societal pressures men face, Pulse Kenya has partnered with Money Clinic for the second edition of the&nbsp;<a data-link-role-code="open_new_tab" href="https://www.pulselive.co.ke/lifestyle/mens-health/november-mens-month-explained-history-importance-and-celebration-tips/5jtenn6">Average Joes forum happening on November 23, 2024</a>. The organisers are committed to creating a supportive, media-free environment where attendees can openly share and learn from one another.

Biblical approach to investing wisely, financial empowerment for men [Pulse Contributor's Opinion]

The wisdom from Ecclesiastes 11 is a powerful reminder of the timeless principles that can guide men toward financial resilience.

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Peter Ongera

Articles written by the author

Struggles of modern marriage: A Men’s Day reflection [Pulse Contributor's Opinion]

Biblical approach to investing wisely, financial empowerment for men [Pulse Contributor's Opinion]