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Kenyan author and former Machakos County First Lady, Lilian Ng'ang'a, has offered a rare glimpse into her personal life, reflecting on her upbringing and some things she struggle with in her relationships
Known for her privacy, Lilian opened up about her privileged upbringing, family dynamics, and the qualities she values in relationships.
The mother of one discussed the influence of her father's traits on her expectations from a partner.
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Struggles with heavy drinking
In an interview with Dr Ofweneke on March 9, Lilian shared that one of the main issues she finds difficult to handle in a relationship is excessive drinking.
She explained that her father does not drink, which shaped her perspective on alcohol consumption.
I struggle with men who drink a lot because I don't know how to be in that setup. I don't drink myself. I did it in my twenties, but I stopped. Alcohol can embarrass people. You start well, but after a few drinks, people transform into a different people.
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Lilian emphasised that while drinking in moderation is acceptable, excessive drinking is a major turn-off for her. She believes men should always be aware of their surroundings and maintain self-control.
I think its just like you lose respect for that person. I think men should just always be aware of what's happening in the environment. So what happens when you are drunk. It's a super turn off. Drink but in moderation. Don't drink to the extent unalewa, coz alcohol has no value.
Prefers a man who comes home early
Another preference that Lilian strongly holds is being with a man who comes home early. Growing up, she saw this trait in her father, and it influenced her expectations in relationships.
She mentioned that while she has adjusted her expectations over time, she still values a partner who prioritises coming home early.
My dad is also a man who comes back home early. Well, times have changed but have to admit that I like a man who comes back home early. I struggle with a man who comes home late. I have adjusted, I cold probably give it 10PM, but just be home early. There's another day coming. I was with a person who was busy. And if he was running late, he would always let me know. And late is just like 8 or 9.
Importance of neatness
Lilian also highlighted neatness as a key quality she looks for in a partner. She admitted that untidiness is something she cannot tolerate.
My dad is super neat. A man who is untidy would bother me. Have your space of course. I am not telling you to do it like me. My space would be in order but then again you can be the extreme opposite of me. We won't get along.
She added that she can quickly pick up on a person’s level of organisation during a casual meeting.
If it’s too much, I can’t handle it. I just lose my mind. If we go somewhere for lunch or coffee, I can probably just tell that you are disorganised just from how you present yourself. If that happens, there won’t be a second conversation.
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Views on polygamy
Lilian also addressed the topic of polygamy, expressing her firm belief that it is often used as an excuse for poor behaviour.
People just want to have an excuse to behave badly. There is nothing like polygamy. You will find that the men who engage in it are probably the most hopeless.
She argued that successful men usually have one wife and take good care of their families.
A successful man has one woman and provides for his family. Those who want multiple partners are just trying to boost their egos, but deep down, they are lacking something.
This perspective highlights her value for commitment and the belief that seeking multiple partners may be a sign of deeper personal issues.