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When couples walk down the aisle, divorce is often not on their minds as they take the vows with the affirmation that “till death do us part”.
However, divorce is a reality of modern life and relationships that though not desired, is a possibility in every marriage even as couples do their best to make the relationship work.
Those who have gone through it confirm that it is a painful life-changing experience that can lead to both negative and positive outcomes and some have documented their experiences in books and plays, offering a glimpse into the realities of divorce.
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Renowned media personality, Dr Zippora Agatha Okoth popularly known as Zippy is among those who have documented their experiences in a book, rising above the painful experience to heal, thrive, grow and get goals accomplished.
READ: Lessons from my divorce: Philip Karanja reflects on life after divorce, healing & growth
The Performing Artist, Storyteller, award-winning Director and Producer went through divorce in 2012, after enduring five years of what she describes as physical abuse, emotional torment, and infidelity.
She documented her experience in a book in which she shares the raw experience, and being a master of her craft, Zippy also turned it into a play, bringing her experience to life but reliving the painful experience each time the play came to life.
The Diary of a Divorced Woman is a book I wrote in 2019 which is about my married life and divorce.
Like many, Zippy wanted the marriage to work and gave it her all before eventually throwing in the towel.
"When I left the marriage, cheating wasn’t the last stroke that broke the camel’s back, but the disrespect, the physical abuse." Zippy said in a recent interview.
Can divorce have positive outcomes?
Depending on the context and the reasons, divorce can lead to many positive outcomes especially when a relationship is unhealthy or no longer fulfilling.
Seeking professional help and leaning on a robust support system while processing the experience is among the factors that contribute to positive outcomes and some notable ones are as below.
Freedom to pursue a better and healthier relationship in the future: Divorce closes the chapter for a relationship that may no longer be healthy or no longer fulfilling, opening the chance for one to pursue healthier and better relationships in the future. It can be the first step to a understanding what one wants in the next relationship and finding a partner who is a better fit with values, goals and emotional needs that match with a more fulfilling romantic life.
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Emotional well-being and escape from toxic/abusive relationships: In a relationship characterised by toxicity, physical and mental abuse, divorce offers an escape route out of this toxic space, reducing exposure to negativity. While the initial days can be overwhelming, healing takes time and many people report improved emotional wellbeing, better mental health, being more at peace with reduced stress and anxiety.
READ: Michelle Obama addresses divorce rumours and redefining life post White House
Self-care, therapy and healing: It is a significant step towards self-care and breaking free from emotional burden that may have been overwhelming, and can be the first step towards therapy that helps one heal from emotional scars that they have carried for years.
Personal growth, self-discovery and freedom: Sometimes good things come out of painful experiences and divorce is no exception as it can usher in a new beginning. It often leads to introspection, helping one reconnect with his/her true identity and interests while rediscovering who they are outside the relationship.
The journey of rediscovery comes with a thorough reassessment of life goals and reprioritisation with one taking charge of decisions, goals, and lifestyle choices that they make as well as values that guide his or her life. People also tend to pursue education, careers, hobbies, or friendships that may have been shelved during marriage with more precision and focus that gets a lot accomplished.
Healthier environment to thrive: Children and adults thrive in a loving environment free from conflict that is often at the heart of divorce. Despite its challenges and possible impacts, divorce can be the pathway to a healthier environment in which children are not exposed to tension, conflict and sometimes physical and verbal violence between parents on a regular basis.