The relationship between in-laws has long been part and parcel of the family unit Kenya, often driven by cultural traditions and societal expectations.
However, with urbanisation, education, and changing lifestyles, these dynamics have evolved differently in urban and rural settings.
While traditional values still hold strong in some areas, modern influences have reshaped how in-laws interact and coexist.
1. Traditional expectations vs. modern realities
In rural settings, traditional expectations still hold place. A daughter-in-law is expected to respect and serve her in-laws, particularly her mother-in-law.
This often includes household duties, farm work, and caregiving roles. Sons-in-law, on the other hand, are expected to support their in-laws financially.
In urban areas, however, these expectations have shifted. Many couples live independently, reducing the daily interactions with in-laws.
The emphasis is now on mutual respect and support rather than obligation. Working women, for example, may not have the time to fulfil traditional duties, leading to an adjustment in family expectations.
2. Changes in living arrangements
In rural areas, extended families often live together or in close proximity. This proximity means in-laws are deeply involved in a couple’s life. In urban centres however, nuclear families are more common, allowing couples more independence in their unions.
While some urban in-laws still maintain influence, their role is often more advisory than authoritative.
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3. Financial expectations and support
Financial obligations to in-laws remain significant in both settings but with notable differences. In rural areas, it is common for married couples to provide financial support to their extended families, sometimes at the cost of their own economic stability.
Urban couples, on the other hand, may still offer financial assistance but are more likely to set boundaries.
Dual-income households and inflation in cities make it necessary for couples to prioritise their nuclear family’s needs.
4. Conflict resolution
Conflicts between in-laws in rural settings are often resolved through elders or clan members. Family meetings and community mediation play a crucial role in maintaining harmony.
In urban settings, couples are more likely to address conflicts independently, sometimes through professional counselling.
The influence of in-laws in marital disputes has diminished, with many young couples choosing personal space over family interventions.
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5. Influence of education and career choices
Education has significantly changed the in-law relationship. In urban areas, higher education levels among women have empowered them to negotiate their roles in marriage and extended family life.
Career commitments have further changed expectations, making it impractical for in-laws to expect a daughter-in-law to assume traditional roles.
On the other hand, in rural areas, traditional roles are still valued, career pursuits may sometimes be seen as neglecting family duties.
However, this perception is gradually shifting as more families appreciate the economic benefits of an educated and working daughter-in-law.