It was tough to even let the thought cross my mind that I could be anything other than heterosexuallet alone tell someone else those thoughts. But I remember having conversations in high school with other guys, and passing around Playboy magazines. One day we were huddled around looking at a magazine when one of the guys said, I wonder what two guys do?

Thats when my first sexual thought about men crossed by mind. But I suppressed it because I was still a teenager, and I didn't know anything about sex.

When I went away to college, I began identifying as bisexualdating both men and women. I met a woman who I really liked around the time I turned 20, and we hooked up for a month or so before we started dating. Within the first week of making it official, I told her I was bisexual. And she told me that she didnt want to be together anymore. She was too worried what people would say and think about both myself and her. So we ended it.

That conversation broke my confidence. It made me feel like I had to choose being gay because women would never accept me as anything other than straight. My relationships since then have either been super casual, or serious but short lived after I shared my truth.

Fast forward 15 years to my decision to come out on Netflixs Love Is Blind. Do I have regrets about when or how or I came out to Diamond? Yes. But Im very proud of myself for doing it in such a public way. And thats why Im sharing this story. I want everyone to know how I felt in that moment and what it's really like to come out on national television.

If I could redo the conversation with Diamond, I would have listened more before reacting.

I was so focused on defending myself that people missed out on was the true Carlton. Im very sensitive. Im very emotional. And I wear my heart on my sleeve. Proposing to Diamond was the happiest day of my life, despite how everything turned out.

I wish I hadnt let my emotions get the best of me. But as soon as I began telling her that I was bisexual, I felt so much anxiety. Our entire relationship just flashed in front of me. I could see it falling apart. I began to self-sabatoge because her reaction didn't seem 100 percent positive.

Looking back, I think if I had heard her out, we may have gotten down the aisle and even then, if she said no, I think we would have been in a much better place.

Being bisexual comes with a lot of stigmas, and Im still trying to navigate that.

Coming out on camera also meant there were a million more thoughts going through my head than just how Diamond would react. Like, Oh my God, what if I dont say this right? or Is the LGBTQ community going to hate me?

Being bisexual comes with a lot of stigmas, many of which I knew Id face after the show aired. People tend to think that we havent made up our minds, were not capable of successfully being in monogamous relationships, and were sexually promiscuous. Thats just not the case.

But thats exactly the kind of messages I began receiving shortly following the shows release.

I value emotional connection over anything else. Thats I wanted to come out in my conversation with Diamond, but as anyone whos watched the show knows, that's not quite what happened.

Two years later, Im still figuring out how to navigate the dating world.

Just because I came out on TV doesnt mean I dont have to continue coming out IRL. I cant assume that everyone's watched the show. And thats still hard for me to do.

Ive gotten messages from people who are interested in getting to know me, and I'm toying with the idea of virtual dating.

Before quarantine began, I did go on a dates with a few people, but nothing really stuck. But Im not in a rush to jump into a relationship. The next time I date someone, I want to know that they're all in. Ive never known what it's like to have someone fight for me. But that's the kind of love I want.

Until then, Im focused on finding my tribe.

This will be my first Pride as an out public figure. Ive been active in the Atlanta LGBTQ community before, and Ive participated in parades and done the AIDS walk a few times.

But what they dont tell you about coming out is that even when you do it in a super public, way, it can still feel like youre on an island. Ive never been part of a large community of bisexual people like me.

Im still trying to figure out where I fit in in the LGBTQ community, and how I can be an advocate.

Its hard, but its something that I promised myself Id do. Rarely do you get representation like the kind shown in my story on Love Is Blind. They said Hey, lets take a chance on an African-American preachers kid who loves freely. That just doesnt happen for people like myself.

Was my coming out perfect? No. And Im almost disappointed because I dont want young people looking at that moment and saying, Well, if I come out and the other person doesn't accept me, its just going to backfire for me, too.

I hope that instead both LGBTQ youth and allies realize how hard it is to tell your truth. But if you approach the situation on both ends being slow to anger and quick to love, youll have a much better outcome than mine.