Only hitch: Youre not really doing it. As sexual moves go, anal sex tends to be the one that straight guys are least likely to try. According to data from the 2018 Lifestyles Millennial Sex Survey, heterosexual men said theyre half as likely to have anal sex when they have intercourse compared with vaginal sex.
If you want to give it a try, talk about it with your partner first instead of going ahead and slipping a finger in during sex, which can backfire. Best to have the conversation before youre in the bedroom, when hormones and emotions arent as high, says relationship expert Sadie Allison, CEO of Tickle Kitty and author of Tickle My Tush. Casually bring it up during an evening glass of wine, Allison suggests. Heres how to get started, no matter if youre concentrating on their end or theyre going crazy on you:
THEIR END
GO SLOW: The nice thing about anal sex is that it can be anything you want it to be-you dont have to use your penis to please your partner. Since a slow warmup is key to successful anal sex, start with foreplay to the biggest sex organ, the brain, says Allison. As youre making out, tell your partner how excited you are to explore something new with them, then use your hands to gently knead and squeeze their cheeks. It sounds silly, but its an incredibly sensual erogenous zone, and itll put you both in the mood.
START WITH YOUR HANDS: You already know that lubed-up fingers can be like magic wands in the bedroom, and that holds true when it comes to anal. Allison suggests these three buildup moves for maximum pleasure: fingerpadding, a kind of no-penetration fingertip move in which you simply pet the anus on the surface with the pads of your fingers; fingertipping, a mild penetration move in which you insert a fingertip and make a circular motion; and fingerpleasing, in which you insert a full finger and make a come-hither motion to give his prostate or her clitoral legs a jolt of amazingness.
MAYBE TRY YOUR MOUTH, TOO: Okay, okay. We know that this is definitely not for everyone, but running a soft tongue around the anal opening (aka rimming) can be an incredibly stimulating technique that delivers pleasure like Postmates because of all of the nerve endings situated there. For a more advanced take, Allison recommends a motorboating action by blowing a light stream of air through your puckered lips. An important note: Just make sure the area is clean, says Michael, who suggests a dental dam (you can get them discreetly shipped to you on Amazon) as protection.
ONLY GO ONE WAY: If youre with a female partner, move only from vaginal to anal sex-not the other way around. The rectum is loaded with bacteria that do not agree with the vagina, says Sherry Ross, M.D., author of She-ology: The Definitive Guide to Womens Health. Period. If you do go from anal to vaginal sex, use a new condom. Otherwise, you could be moving some not-pleasant bacteria into her nether regions and risking infections, pelvic inflammatory disease, and, well, never going on a date with her again.
YOUR END
SET BOUNDARIES: Maybe youre new to this, so remember that you dont haveto go all the way your first time. It could just be your partner rubbing around your opening at first to see if it is something that feels good to you, and if you enjoy the sensation, then you can talk about penetration after, says Michael. So set some rules before you get going-if youre not down for full penetration, make it clear with your partner. It doesnt mean youll never be ready, but for now, its off the table.
PROTECT YOURSELF: Your partner should always wear a condom during anal sex, Dr. Ross says. So if your partner is another guy, make sure he wraps it up before entering. (And that youre doing the same when its your turn to give.) Same with a woman: If your lady is rimming you, she should also use a dental dam, as you would on her.
JUST RELAX: This may be new and a little nerve-racking, but its important that your sphincter muscles are loose during anal play, otherwise you could injure the delicate skin around the anal opening. Being mentally prepared for anal sex is half the battle, Dr. Ross says, and dont forget that your partner wants to please you, not hurt you. Then take a deep breath and release any tension you may be holding in as you exhale. And enjoy it.