A situationship is essentially a relationship that hasn't been defined. So anything that precedes the DTR (define the relationship) conversation but follows the initial first few dates.

Considering all these labels are (ironically) used to define otherwise label-free relationships, whats the deal?

"Online dating apps have created this paradox of choice," says Christie Tcharkhoutian, PhD, LMFT, a senior matchmaker with Three Day Rule in Los Angeles. "We have so many options, its hard to commit to that person in front of us because when they go to the bathroom, we can just swipe." (Guilty as charged.)

Sometimes, having undefined relationships is totally cool. It can be fun, sexually satisfying, liberating even. Plus, a situationship "gives you time to get to know somebody without feeling pressured to make a decision," Tcharkhoutian says.

The problem is, more often than not, at least one partner "catches feelings." And in a heterosexual relationship, its usually the woman, finds Abby Medcalf, PhD , a relationship expert, author, and speaker in Berkeley, California.

There's an actual physiological reaction that happens when you're intimate with someone. More specifically, the bonding hormone oxytocin gets released when you have sex, cuddle , or even just hug, says Medcalf, and you can't override it. Dang biology.

Once emotions build, being in a situationship totally blows. "You start to feel rejected because the person doesnt want you fully," Medcalf says.

So heres how to tell if youre actually on that roadand how to pull over before you crash and burn.

Signs You're Definitely In A Situationship

1. You only make short-term or last-minute plans.

People in relationships make plans weeks, months, sometimes years in advance. (I know...mind-blow.) People in situationships operate a more hourly and daily timeline.

"Youre in a situationship when youre not getting invited to meet family, and its not a given that youre going to see each other on the weekend or a holiday," Medcalf says. If all you're getting is last-minute invites, take the hint: Dating you isn't their first priority.

2. Theres no consistency.

One major appeal of a legit relationship is that you can count on seeing and talking to your person regularly. Situationships lack that.

"Theyre not asking you to hang out three times a week," Tcharkhoutian says. Or, even if they are one week, dont expect that to happen the next one.

Another day, another annoying dating trend you can't avoid:

3. They always have the same (vague) excuse.

"Works really busy." "I need to hit the gym." "Im traveling." Sound familiar?

In a situationship, these are excuses. In a relationship, they lead to a plan B: "Lets celebrate when my presentation is over Thursday." "Want to go for a run?" "Ill call you from the road."

When youre in a relationship, you make time for your partner, no matter what other life events are going on, Tcharkhoutian says. But in a situationship, she adds, theres no urge to problem-solve. (Since that would require, ya know, effort.)

4. You mostly small (and dirty) talk.

Sure, you know where the person lives and works, and maybe a few general deets like where they grew up or if they're a cat or dog person. But lets be real: Youre more comfortable talking dirty than talking about your fears, insecurities , or lessons from past relationships.

"Without trust, theres no vulnerability, and without vulnerability, theres no emotional closeness," Medcalf says. And zilch emotional closeness is what situationships are all about.

5. You dont talk about the future.

Likewise, conversations in situationships pretty much only involve the present ("What do you want to watch?" "Pizza or Thai?"). The logic here's pretty simple: If you're not in it for the long haul, why talk about it?

If you haven't had a discussion about the future and what youre looking for, that could be a sign you're in a situationship, Medcalf says.

A situationship is basically "just shared activities-hanging out here and there," Medcalf notes. "It feels directionless."

6. They tell you that they dont want to get serious.

The easiest way to know youre in a situationship: The person tells you that you're in one-especially if that other person is a dude.

"Believe what they say," Medcalf explains. "Men are not complicated creatures." (And, hey, at least they told you.)

7. They show you that they dont want to get serious.

When in doubt: Open. Your. Eyes. "People will show you through their actions what they think of you," Medcalf says. "If theyre not calling, theyre just not that into you." Some things never change.

8. Youre frequently anxious.

Just because situationships are expectation-free (Want to cancel plans? Nbd. Dont feel like bringing soup when theyre sick? No need!) doesnt mean theyre stress-free.

\"You know you\'re in a situationship when you feel anxious because there\'s uncertainty...\"

"You know youre in a situationship when you feel anxious because theres uncertainty, ambiguity, and ambivalence," Medcalf says.

9. Youre getting bored.

Research shows that doing new and different things stimulate the brains reward system, flooding it with feel-good chemicals (dopamine and norepinephrine). That neurological reward system just happens to be the same part of the brain that lights up in the early stages of romantic love.

Any relationship expert will tell you that keeping a relationship alive means continuously having novel experiences with your partner. But in a situationship, you probably do the same thing over and over-Netflix and chill-and yes, even that can get old.

"If its vague, doesnt have direction, and doesnt have any structure, its going to be stale, and its not going to be fun anymore," Tcharkhoutian confirms.

Okay, so you're definitely in a situationship. What now?

If youre cool with what you have and want to keep it that way, first ask yourself: Am I really?

"In some ways, we might be okay with a casual situation, but we might also be thinking, 'If this is what they need, thats fine; I can accommodate that,'" Tcharkhoutian says.

Make sure youre not pushing your own needs and wants aside just because you want to satisfy someone else's. (Or because you think their feelings might change...they may never.)

If youre truly down with the sitch, set some boundaries. Are you going to talk about who else you're both sleeping with? Are you going to do weekday overnights? Are you going to hang just the two of you or with each other's friends? "Be clear youre both on the exact same page with the same expectations," advises Medcalf.

And if you actually want more, speak up. Say: "Ive enjoyed spending time with you," suggests Tcharkhoutian. Then tell them what you like or appreciate about them, and finally ask for their thoughts on where things might go.

If they come up with an excuse for the casual scenario without an end date-"Work is crazy" instead of "After my real estate exam, I should be able to commit more"-dont expect things to change.

Either way, "go in with a really clear boundary of what you will and wont accept," Medcalf says. "You call the shots."

Yep, you heard me: You are in control of this 'ship.