Nearly three weeks ago, Hilaria Baldwin announced on Instagram that she was suffering a miscarriage in real time. Now, she's opening up about how she's feeling by sharing an intimate video.
In the Instagram post, shared Wednesday, Hilaria showed a video of the first sonogram of the baby she lost. "Since so many of you have been asking, I want to tell you that I am doing well," she wrote.
"It has been 2 weeks since the d&c and I am physically starting to feel like myself again," she added.
FYI: Hilaria is referring to a dilation and curettage, which is a surgical procedure to remove tissue-in Hilaria's case, her miscarried fetus from inside the uterus-after a miscarriage, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists .
View this post on Instagram Since so many of you have been asking, I want to tell you that I am doing well. It has been 2 weeks since the d&c and I am physically starting to feel like myself again. Emotionally I am ok too...when we choose to become parents, we take a big risk with our hearts. Never do we love so intensely-and this is scary, but so worth it. This time, when I opened my heart up to another baby, he or she didnt stay very long. But I love this little soul deeply and wholly. We all have a purpose in life, and I believe my little one left positivity in its short life. I felt a deep provocation to share what was going on and, in being so open, some great conversations emerged. Creating a positive from a negative, this little flicker of life left its mark. This is an issue that so many suffer with in silence...because those are the rules we follow. As I have said to so many: this experience wasnt just about me and my journey, it is about anyone, perhaps you, or someone you know, who has suffered a loss. It is about continuing a conversation, knowing we need not have shame or fear...so that we can heal...and those who will unfortunately follow will have a community to turn to. I came forward to share and create a spark...please help me turn this spark into a lasting flame . (What you are seeing in the video is the first sonogram of the baby I lost...before we could see and hear the heart. In the lower left corner you can see the flicker. I dont have a video of the heartbeat we witnessed a few times before it stopped...I want to share this because I feel like this little soul was mighty in the wave it provoked ) A post shared by Hilaria Thomas Baldwin (@hilariabaldwin) on Apr 24, 2019 at 8:01am PDT
Hilaria also opened up about her emotional health following her miscarriage. "Emotionally I am ok too...when we choose to become parents, we take a big risk with our hearts," she wrote. "This time, when I opened my heart up to another baby, he or she didn't stay very long. But I love this little soul deeply and wholly."
And Hilaria still stands by her decision to share every step of her miscarriage. "This is an issue that so many suffer with in silence...because those are the rules we follow," she wrote, adding that this journey wasn't only about her. "It is about anyone, perhaps you, or someone you know, who has suffered from a loss."
View this post on Instagram I want to share with you that I am most likely experiencing a miscarriage. I always promised myself that if I were to get pregnant again, I would share the news with you guys pretty early, even if that means suffering a public loss. I have always been so open with you all about my family, fitness, pregnancies...and I dont want to keep this from you, just because it isnt as positive and shiny as the rest. I think its important to show the truth...because my job is to help people by being real and open. Furthermore, I have no shame or embarrassment with this experience. I want to be a part of the effort to normalize miscarriage and remove the stigma from it. There is so much secrecy during the first trimester. This works for some, but I personally find it to be exhausting. Im nauseous, tired, my body is changing. And I have to pretend that everything is just fine-and it truly isnt. I dont want to have to pretend anymore. I hope you understand. So, this is what is going on now: the embryo has a heartbeat, but it isnt strong, and the baby isnt growing very much. So we wait-and this is hard. So much uncertainty...but the chances are very, very small that this is a viable pregnancy. I have complete confidence that my family and I will get through this, even if the journey is difficult. I am so blessed with my amazing doctor, my dear friends, and my loving family...My husband and my four very healthy babies help me keep it together and have the perspective of how truly beautiful life is, even when it occasionally seems ugly. The luck and gratitude I feel that I am my babies mommy, is wonderfully overwhelming and comforting. In your comments, please be kind. Im feeling a bit fragile and I need support. Im hoping, that by sharing this, I can contribute to raising awareness about this sensitive topic. A post shared by Hilaria Thomas Baldwin (@hilariabaldwin) on Apr 4, 2019 at 6:47am PDT
In sharing her miscarriage so publicly, Hilaria hopes to start-and continue-a conversation around something that is so common among women. "We need not have shame or fear...so that we can heal...and those who will unfortunately follow will have a community to turn to," she wrote.
Hilaria then went on to describe more about the video she posted to go with her caption: "What you are seeing in the video is the first sonogram of the baby I lost...before we could see and hear the heart," she wrote. "In the lower left corner you can see the flicker."
While Hilaria said she doesn't have a video of the heartbeat she witness before it stopped, she still wanted to share "because I feel like this little soul was mighty in the wave it provoked."